The Name Game

What’s one of the most popular questions that people ask you when they know that you’re pregnant? Well, running a close second behind “When are you due?” and “Do you know if it’s a boy or girl?” is one of my LEAST favorite questions...”Do you have any names picked out?”

Now, to be fair...I don’t get mad or irritated by people asking this question because let’s be honest here...there’s just not that much else to ask a pregnant lady. You have to tread carefully when asking any woman certain questions and with all the extra hormones that are raging through a pregnant woman’s body asking “How’s the weather?” at the wrong moment can get your entire head ripped from your body without so much as a second glance...or so I’ve heard. I do NOT know about that from personal experience...keep quiet honey! J

But this question does kind of bother me. I’ve written before how I don’t like saying/typing him or her out all the time...so I’ve thought about coming up with something to call my bump for the time being until next month when we find out the sex of our baby and can then refer to it in the right sex. And in doing this, I’ve also decided that it would be fun to turn this whole naming process into a little game. At least, it would be fun for me!

I’ve had this big project at work lately, and it involved cleaning up the reports that our local branches turn in to the state for metal sales at our facilities. On this report, we have to list out every single person that sold regulated material to us that day and turn in certain personal information such as name, address, ID number, vehicle information and so on. So, as you can imagine, I’ve been coming across some pretty great names while helping our branches adjust to our new software during this process. In seeing all of these funny names, it struck me one day like a bolt of lightning...and yes, this was after like three people in a row that day had asked me something about what names we were choosing.

What if I came up with the most horrible name for my child that I could possibly think of? And I told everyone that’s what the name was going to be with an absolute straight poker face...just to see their reactions. Here play along with me and I’ll show you how this works:

You: (asking me) Oh S, you’re looking so great these days! I can hardly tell your 4 months along! Do you know yet what you’re having?

(Come on people, this is MY game, you had to know that I was gonna work in some compliments to myself, right?)

Me: No, not yet. We find out next month though.

You: Well do you have any names picked out yet?

Me: Yes, as a matter of fact we do. We’ve settled on Geneva Opehlia if it’s a girl. And Winston Claude if we’re blessed with a boy.

Now. Picture that whole scene in your head. And TELL ME THAT’S NOT FUNNY!!! I mean what would you say to that? Seriously. How could you possibly find something nice to say? I bet you $5 that you wouldn’t ask me again about names...

So I pitched this idea to B the other night and he (being the prankster that he is) is TOTALLY on board with this idea. But he thinks that we should change it every time we’re asked...and he even suggested that we name the bump something until we know one way or the other too. You know, something like Rufus. Or Bocephus. Or Gertrude.

And by the way, before I go any further, I do not mean any offense if any of the names that I’ve chosen to make fun of happen to be your name. They’re great names. In fact, in my example given above, there are two of my own grandparent’s names used. So I totally do not mean to say that your name stinks, just that these are not names that I would happen to choose when naming my child. Or my bump. I’m sorry if I offend. I don’t mean to do it directly or intentionally.

Back to my story. So we’ve kind of settled on Rufus for the time being to refer to my bump, although I like Ziggy...B vetoed that one on me. Anyway, we were out this weekend with the in-laws and they got into the fun too...except that FIL took it one more step further. Our last name begins with the letter G, so he started making totally outrageous names up that would give the baby good/funny initials. Really funny. Every once in a while with 4 or 5 people sitting around doing this you happen to hit on a name that you might actually like and use, so this isn’t a waste of time and energy...just in case that’s what you’re thinking. We actually hit on several boys’ names that I would consider using as middle names...so maybe it was helpful.

The funny thing is that most of the names that we suggested seem to be guys’ names. We didn’t really discuss a lot of girls’ names that were old-fashioned or horrible sounding...so most of what I have in my head right now are names for boys. And the really funny thing? Now that I’ve started this, all I can think about are names that I would NOT use...I haven’t thought of very many names that I WOULD use. So maybe I need to stop playing the name game...nah! It’s too much fun!

And don’t worry, I did this when I had my daughter too...thought for a while of only names that I would not use. Picking a name is harder than it seems, if you’re not one of those people that named your children before they were even conceived (which we aren’t). I can usually think of someone with that name that I don’t like. Or I like the name, but I know someone who named their dog that, so I can’t use that one either...it’s really harder than it looks.

So for now, I’ll leave you with some of the funnier names on our short list at the moment – you know, the short list to tell people that this is the name that we’ve chosen when it’s NOT a name that we would actually consider.

Winston
Horace
Heathcliff – one of my favorites!
Eugene
Derloris
Luther
Tosheba
Eureka
Ulysses
Niccodemus

And I kid you not, some of these names actually came off of the state reports that I’ve been working on...so yes, there are people out there named after appliances! And on a side note, my husband has banned me from making fun of any biblical names in my game...he’s such a spoil sport, because there are some good ones to be found in the Good Book. I mean, how funny would it be to pick Habakkuk, Zebediah, or my personal favorite Bible name – Nebakanezer.

Got any horrible girl names to add to my growing list? Here are some reasons why we’re staying away from family names, FAR away: Doris, Geneva, Oneida, Elmira. I am NOT making those up...and yes, they’re all from only MY side of the family! I’m pretty sure that we’ll be crossing any family names off of the list...