Best Valentine’s Day EVER!

Oh goodness…it just keeps getting better. No, now don’t start feeling queasy or anything, I’m not about to get mushy. I promise. Although I do love my husband and feel like I’m the luckiest woman in the world, I won’t bore you with all of that. Some guys start V-Day big when you’re first dating and then it falls by the wayside (like other aspects of romance) after you’ve been together for a while. Well, this is the fourth V-Day that Brent and I have spent together…and it just keeps getting better.

Not that he outdid himself.  Not that we enjoyed a romantic dinner for two and everything was all hearts and flowers.  Here’s what made it special to me…I laughed so hard that I nearly peed in my pants.

Yeah, you read that right. But come on, be honest with yourself…you had to know something like that was coming…this is ME!

I seriously can’t remember the last time that I have laughed as much, as loud, or as long…and my husband made it all possible. Let me tell you about it.

We typically have at least one of the kids on V-Day. Some years, it’s been just T, sometimes just Jenna…very rarely is it just Brent and me. But either way, kids or no kids, Brent goes out of his way to make the night special for me. He always sends me flowers. And he always takes me out to eat. Every single year. And just like the creatures of habit that we tend to be, we always go to the Texas Land & Cattle restaurant. I don’t know why…no, that’s not true. I do know why. It’s one of our favorite restaurants – the food is always good, even if the service lacks a bit…and it’s a little pricier than the normal places that we eat out at (think Chick-Fil-A, Whataburger and Taco Cabana)

So it’s sort of our V-Day place. Rain or shine, cold or hot, kids or no kids, that’s where we go. This year was no different. We knew that we would have Jax and Jenna, so the reservation was made for a party of 3.5. I received flowers, chocolates, a small teddy bear, and a bath set at my office earlier in the day to start the day off right and make me feel special.

We had arranged everything around Jax’s schedule, because let’s be honest here…he’s the most important part of making last night a success or a failure. If he was having a bad night, then we would all have a bad night. And vice versa.  Although we didn’t time the commute back to town quite right, and arrived almost an hour before our reservations, we killed some time carefully strolling up and down the aisles of a local grocery store trying to let Jax finish his evening nap. Let’s face it, things go better after a baby gets a nap, right? He woke up right before we were going to walk over to the restaurant and was in a great mood for most of dinner.

I say most, because he’s a baby and he can only be good for so long. Especially not in a high chair when there is so much going on around him. Since it was a busy night, service was a bit slow…which led to a few moments of panic here and there as we wondered if he was fixin’ to start a big scream-fest. I mean come on, if a parent with a small child asks for more bread, do you think that she’s asking for herself? Same goes when she quizzes you about the size of all of your spoons for almost two full minutes, settling on one specific option and has baby food jars on the table…I shouldn’t have to ask twice. You should want to help me keep the peace by providing me with those items right away…but maybe that’s just me.

Either way we had an enjoyable dinner. Everyone got to eat some of their food while it was hot. Jenna only complained a little bit about the “spicy-ness” of her food…problem solved by me trading steaks with her. Jax only started to throw a fit in between jars of baby food when I was trying to snag a few bites of my garlic mashed potatoes. And he only got antsy towards the end of the meal when we were all pretty much done and just waiting for the dessert menu and our bill.

Here’s where the funny parts come in. When he started to fuss a bit, Brent took him out of the high chair and tried to entertain him. Well, it sort of worked. He was entertained up to a point, and then he started to entertain us. At the point when he got tired of Brent’s antics, he started to protest in his baby chatter. When he was ignored he got louder. You see where this is going, right?

He got louder…and louder…and louder. Other people were starting to look around. It wasn’t crying…they were just trying to see what on earth was happening to the child that was babbling so loudly. So to make him be quiet, Brent blew in his face. This had two effects: 1) it did make Jax be quiet momentarily and 2) when he got quiet he was making the most comical face we’ve ever seen him make. Sort of like when babies are first exposed to wind and they freak out a little. Except add in a little “what the hell?” look to it. Less startlement and more “Dude!”. As soon as he recovered because the breath blown in his face was just until he got quiet, the baby chatter came back. Just as loudly as before.

Which triggered another breath to the face. Which was followed by another comical look…you get the pattern, right?  Repeat said pattern about a hundred thirty-two times.

Well, pretty soon we (Brent, myself and Jenna) were laughing so hard that the people who had previously been craning their heads around to see what Jax was doing were now looking to see what those crazy fools were laughing so loudly at. And it was contagious. Before long, the table that could see Jax the best was giggling and pointing…and it spread through our entire little area of the restaurant.

Needless to say, we ordered our desserts “To Go” just to make sure that we didn’t overstay our welcome.

And here’s where the peeing in my pants comes in. Keeping in mind that I’m already in a giggly sort of mood from the antics inside the restaurant, we walk outside and head around the back of the restaurant to where we parked. At this point, I ask Brent how his pants were fitting.

Oh wait, let me back up. Remember this post about men losing weight faster than women? Well, it’s still going on. And he forgot his belt yesterday when he went to work, so his pants were…a little…baggy. And by a little, I mean a lot. Think teenage, punk, hipster style…you know the one that I’m talking about…where you purposely wear your best and brightest boxers because everyone’s bound to see them? Got it in your mind? Well, now put my husband’s face on that mental image. And you’ve got the sight that I was walking behind. He’s carrying Jax, I’ve got the diaper bag/purse and Jenna has our leftover bag and in response to my question, he raises his shirt up.

So that I can see that his pants are halfway down his butt, just barely staying up…and his black underwear is showing. Nice.  I jokingly tell him that if he’s having such a problem keeping them up then he needs to walk like those young punks that we’re always making fun of walk to keep their pants up.

And. He. Does.

The whole rest of the way to the car.

I had to stop several times for laughing so hard. He’s carrying a baby, walking with his feet spread at least a yard and a half apart, stopping every few feet to yank up his “britches” again…and I lost it. Just way, way, way too funny.  I wish that I had thought to snap a picture with my phone! 

As I kissed him goodnight that night, I thanked him for the best Valentine’s Day ever. He questioned my sanity for thinking that it was the best one ever, but my answer to him stays the same: “I’ve never laughed so hard and had so much fun on a Valentine’s date before! It was perfect.”

Thanks honey – you’re one in a million!

Setting Our Goals

First, let me say a big “THANKS” for all of your tips/tricks/comments and suggestions on the post that I wrote about setting goals. Especially Pamela, who had LOTS of great advice! If you didn’t see her comment, click here and view the comments – it’s REALLY great advice!

After writing that post, I took a few days to let it all sink in, and talk everything over with Brent, as I feel that this isn’t just MY decision, but a joint decision that we need to make as a couple and both get behind and strive towards. Then we took a week to just process all that we’d talked about.

Lastly? I took him grocery shopping with me this past weekend. I normally run to the store alone, since it’s faster, but with just Jax along for the ride, Brent wanted to come along too. I jumped on the chance to have him there, since I knew that I had lots of coupons to use and wanted to really emphasize what our savings could be if we tried. I’d measure the trip as a complete, overwhelming success! Why, you ask? As we were pushing our cart full of a weeks’ worth of groceries out to the car, Brent was reading the receipt and said these EXACT words: “Babe! Our grocery bill went from $88 down to $77 and change!!!” Saying he was a little excited would be an understatement. (I’ll also say that our weekly bill isn’t normally that high, but we bought Halloween candy for the trick-or-treaters…)

I felt like he finally got it. I mean really understood the power of coupons.

So I took the momentum and enthusiasm that he had at that moment and we talked again about how our money could work smarter for us and all of the other things that we’d already covered a week before. It was like a completely different conversation, even though I didn’t really say anything new. Before when we talked, he agreed with all that I was saying, and was on board with whatever I wanted to do, but he didn’t completely understand nor have the enthusiasm for it that I did. He probably was thinking “What a dork!” about me, in fact. But now? He could see and measure what we could do. I mean, if we could save $10 in one shopping trip at just ONE store, what could we do over the course of a year, applying those principles to ALL of our purchases?

It’s just nice to have your partner “get” what you’re trying to do and go from a willing participant in what you want to do to an active participant, because there IS a difference. So after explaining it all again, here are some of the steps that we’ve come up with for us to start taking:

• Start couponing regularly (we already do this)
• Begin to stock pile on certain household items – something we’ve been a little hesitant to start, but are starting to see the advantages
• Make the most out of our rewards programs, like ebates.com and our credit card cash back rewards program (which we don’t currently utilize since we don’t use credit for purchases)
• Diligently track our savings so that we can measure our success
• Begin eating out less for lunches during the work week and putting that savings to work as well
• Actively look for new ways to make our money work smarter, not harder

Using all of those steps above, we set a goal that we would like to achieve. Following some of Pamela’s guidelines on goal setting, we kept it simple, straight forward and attainable. Here is our goal:

Save $5,000 using the measures outlined above

Since we both operate better on a work/reward method – keeping a tangible goal in mind - we also set our “reward” if we attain that goal. If we can meet our goal, we will take a vacation back to our honeymoon destination for our 2nd anniversary, paying cash for it all.

And since I like seeing progress, I’m going to set up a button on the side that shows our progress weekly so that you can follow along and encourage us to our success! (OK, so maybe that’s just to show off my mad new HTML skills more than anything…but it’s still fun!)

Now, if you’re one of the sharper tacks in the barrel, you’ll pick up on the fact that if we’re going to take the reward trip for our 2nd anniversary and we just passed our first anniversary, we have to start NOW on our goal and not wait for the new year like I had originally intended…which is fine. Brent said that since the goal that we've set is a little more than what we're currently saving that I could count all that we've saved so far this year too...so that we're starting off on the right foot.  I "opened a new savings account” today and will transfer on a weekly basis what we’re able to save into it and watch it total up! I can’t wait…it would only be cooler if I could make my computer make the cha-ching cash register sound when I put the money in each week!!

Yes, I’m a dork…

I’m really excited (if you haven’t picked up on it by this point) about our new plan. I’m excited to see what we can do if we try. I’m excited to actually set a goal, set steps to achieve the goal and be working towards the prize. I’m just excited in general…but that could be because the little man is breathing better and sleeping again at night – WOO HOO!!! But I’m also excited to start this new plan, too! Wish us luck!

Celebrating our Anniversary…With a Sick Kid

When I talked to my Mom a few days before our anniversary, and was telling her about how Jax was sick with his first cold, she made the statement “I bet this isn’t how you pictured spending your first anniversary, huh?” And she was right. Although I knew that it would be low-key since we’d have an infant along in tow…I didn’t factor in a sick infant. And believe me, it makes a difference. Add on top of that two nights of little to no sleep, and you’ve got a recipe for a sleepy weekend at home.

You know, celebrating in your pjs in front of the television.

And there’s not a thing wrong with that. In fact, I enjoy a good pajama party most days…but she’s right – your first wedding anniversary isn’t really one of those times. Pajama-less party? That’s more like it!

Just kidding. Well, not really, but you know what I mean. Either way, with a sick little man and two tired adults, we made the decision early Friday night to just spend the weekend together and relax. To do whatever needed to be done to get Jax feeling better (and sleeping more!) before we had to go back to work on Monday, and if we happened to be able to go out to eat or something, then great. If not, then we would celebrate another time. No big deal. In fact, this would give us the perfect opportunity to focus on our Intimacy Challenge…

And focus on us is exactly what we did. Without the two older kids around, we were able to do exactly what we wanted to do because Jax doesn’t really get a vote in what we do yet, so the entire weekend was about us. Remembering our wedding a year ago, reflecting on all of the changes in the past year, looking at our gorgeous photos from the wedding and the honeymoon, and talking about what this next year will hold for us. It was a great end to our first week of the challenge, and we spent almost as much time talking with each other as we did making sure that we both got some decent sleep! LOL!

Both Friday and Saturday night we stayed in and watched some of our DVR shows (Sons of Anarchy, anyone else?) and I cooked and we relaxed. I even enjoyed a glass of this both nights:


And spent time cuddling with each other (and Jax) on the couch. Perfect.

We also took this out of the freezer for the big day:


And I woke up to the sight of these on our dining room table as a surprise!


Since Saturday was so low-key, we decided on Sunday to get out of the house a bit. We went to breakfast at our favorite breakfast joint…and Jax was mostly good. Then we did some shopping and tried to find an anniversary gift for both of us. Neither one of us needs/wants anything…so we opted for just flowers, cards and dinner out. Totally low-key. After spending most of the morning and early afternoon out and about, we decided to go home and take some naps. Well, some of us slept…others didn’t.

Either way, we cut our cake and ate the anniversary pieces before we went to dinner. Yes, we had our dessert first. I always plan on special events that I’ll order dessert and then I eat too much and don’t have room. So we had our cake before we ever left the house. Plus we went to dinner around Jax’s schedule, which meant that we got to Carino’s around 5:15 (along with all of the other senior citizens!) but that left plenty of opportunity/time for another slice of cake later.

Yes, we ate the thawed one-year-old cake. It was delicious. Maybe a little drier than the day of our wedding, but yummy, yummy, yummy! Good storage tips helped, and thawing it out slowly seems to be the key to keeping it from going all soggy.

After that? We were pooped! It was a great day…ended on the perfect note with Jax going down for the night without any stopped up sounds coming from his little nose. I honestly think that made us happier than anything…

We both reflected that the day was perfectly spent and neither one of us could have improved a thing about it! What might have been a boring anniversary weekend with a sick child turned into a great anniversary celebration…and a great end to our first week of the Intimacy Challenge. I couldn’t have asked for a better anniversary! Love you, honey!

One Wonderful Year...

A year ago today, I put on a dress…

Gathered some flowers…

Slipped into shoes with a little help…

And walked toward my destiny with love in my heart…

This man was waiting for me…

We shared some vows…

And a kiss…

Uniting two families into one…

We had some cake…

One of us actually wore her cake…

We danced…

Toasted our friends and family…

And partied the night away…

We left under a shower of love and rose petals…

As man and wife.

Thank you honey for the best year that I could have ever imagined. From the wedding of my dreams, to the honeymoon that made a miracle, and a year that I’m sure we’ll never forget. I think that I’m the luckiest woman alive, and I thank God daily for bringing you into my life.

Happy Anniversary…and here’s to 50 more!

30 Day Intimacy Challenge – Update – Day 4

Somehow I managed to NOT post this yesterday when I wrote it...not sure what happened.  So it's a day behind - sorry!

source

I thought that if I gave you an update on how we’re doing about twice a week that would be enough – don’t you think? I mean, I don’t want to make you sick or anything with all that lovey dovey stuff! Everyone knows that marriage isn’t all a bowl of cherries, but it also shouldn’t all be the cherry pits either. There should be a balance, and in my opinion, it should lean towards the cherry more often than the pits! But maybe that’s just me…

I’ve gotten some questions and comments about doing a challenge like this so soon after having a baby. To be truthful, I can’t think of a better time to do it! “Aren’t you tired?” is the most common statement/question that I’ve gotten, and to answer that – YES! Of course I’m tired. My child doesn’t believe in sleeping through the night yet…my daughter was late to catch onto this concept too (as was I my Mom will tell you)…so of course I’m tired. There are days that I’m beyond tired – when I passed tired two miles back down the road by that gas station and now I’m halfway to exhaustion! But being tired isn’t a good excuse/reason to me for not working on my marriage or for not letting my partner in all of this know how much his help is appreciated.

The other statement is closer to the “Are you crazy?!?” side of things. I don’t think so. I honestly feel that right after you have a baby might be the best time to re-connect with your partner. Maybe not right after, like immediately or anything…everyone needs recovery time obviously. We’re both working full-time, on little to no sleep, we’re both chipping in with the household chores like cleaning and laundry, and we both help out keeping tabs on the two older kids. To sum it up, we’ve both got a lot on our plates right now…and it would be easier to just let “us” stay on the back burner. But that’s not what I want. My kids are the most important thing in my life in a lot of ways…but my husband? He’s my rock. He’s the shoulder that I lean on and cry on. He’s my cheerleader and my therapist. He’s my sounding board for figuring out problems. He’s my best friend.

These are all things that I know in my head…but sometimes I need to be reminded of them. Especially right now when I’m trying to keep up with when the next feeding is, how long I slept (or didn’t sleep) last night, and whether or not I have any diapers left at day care. There’s a lot to juggle as a new mom…but I don’t have to do it alone. Husbands are called partners for many reasons, and I know that I’m lucky to have one that actively looks for ways to help me.

To my way of thinking, right now is when I don’t want to drop the ball on showing him how much I appreciate the help and support. Right now is when I want to show him how much the little things like washing/sterilizing the next batch of bottles mean to me. Right now is when I need a tag-team for dirty diapers. Seriously. Two is better than one, right?

That’s why I feel that this is the absolute best time in our relationship to take on this challenge. I don’t know the specifics about why Brent was so on-board with doing this, other than because I wanted to and he’s a good husband that does what is important to me to do. He understood upfront that there is a difference between sex and intimacy. He completely understood that this was NOT a 30 Days of Sex Challenge…although I know that’s how it all started. As a new Mom, I need to work my way back to regular sex. Yes, I want it. Do I have the energy for it? Not on most days. And to be even more honest, I don’t know that I desire it most days. Some days I just desire my bed. Or wine, either one works. What I do know is that I want to desire it again. And to do that I need the intimacy that, as a woman, I equate to sex. I need to feel the connection with my husband again, despite our crazy life/schedules and lack of sleep right now. Because if I have that, then maybe I’ll desire that glass of wine in my bed WITH my husband…that’s my goal.

So far, it’s going amazingly well. Like others who have done this challenge have said, just talking about what the challenge involves and why it’s important to me to do this challenge re-connected us on some level. MOST importantly was making him understand that I didn’t want to do this because I felt like something was lacking in our relationship. KEY FACTOR, ladies! Baring my soul, all of my insecurities, and really laying it all out there about why I thought this challenge would be good for me, and us, was such an intimate moment between the two of us, despite the fact that I was cooking dinner while we talked it all over! Being open and honest with each other and saying the words “I want to re-commit my focus to you and our marriage” aloud was moving. It brought us both closer together and struck a chord deep down inside.

The first night? We talked it all over, and decided to do it. We brainstormed some things that we thought would help build intimacy and I was able to explain that to me this whole idea was like wooing each other all over again. Committing to keep the other person “in love” with you, as we all know that there is a difference between loving and being in love. So we talked. And talked some more. And that night when we got in bed? It made a difference. Instead of each of us going to our “sides” of the bed and dropping into an exhausted sleep, we met in the middle and cuddled for a while. We had each had some time to process what this challenge would mean for us and how we could each individually help meet the challenge and we came back together to talk it all through. Snuggling there in bed was great. Yes, we still do that at night…we usually fall asleep touching each other’s feet at the very least, but actually just lying there holding each other, not expecting anything more than just that…it was liberating. Just the right foot to start the challenge off on!

The next morning, I woke up to find a love note “hidden” in my car. And you know what? It’s day 4 and so far, I have found one each morning. I’ve even managed to hide one or two in his wallet or truck myself! You’d be surprised at what a little thing like a note can do to lift your mood and make you smile all day long…it reminded us that we used to do things like that for each other. Back in the wooing days, early in our relationship. When had we stopped doing that? Why had we stopped? How come we only got notes from each other now when the other one was mad about something? I don’t know about you, but that’s not why I’d like to get a note…I’d like to get a note just because.

On day 2 we had a lunch date. Yes, we talked about the kids and other household matters, which isn’t terribly romantic, but we also held hands across the table. We shared our food. And maybe we made out a little in the parking lot…I’m not telling!

Day 3 brought us busy work schedules and diminishing allowances for lunch, so we each ate at our desks…but we called each other on the phone and had a “virtual” lunch date. We laughed and joked and took some time out of the craziness of our day to connect. Even though we might have both rather eaten really fast and then taken a 30-minute cat nap at our desks.

Each day we’ve made a concentrated effort to touch more. To give hugs and kisses. And not just quick ships-passing-in-the-night-sort of kisses…good kisses. Just because. It’s as if this challenge puts our relationship in the lime light and focuses our attention on the other person. It helps keep the focus off of what all “I’m” doing for the baby and the rest of the household, and reminds me that it’s not just “me” doing everything…there’s a “we” to this whole thing. That’s he’s working just as hard as I am…even on days when I feel the weight more. A surprising side benefit? It seems like me showing my appreciation for the stuff that he does to help out with the baby causes him to want to do more to help.

Last night? I got a back-rub. Did I ask for it? I mentioned that my back hurt…that’s all that it took. Was he tired? Yes, he was already in bed and lying down, as a matter of fact. But he got up and rubbed my back anyway…all without complaint just to do something nice for me. It definitely put me in a good mood…and was the perfect ending to day 3.

So today is day 4. And you know what? I’m not as tired today. Did I get more sleep last night? A little bit, but not that much. Maybe I just don’t feel so alone in all of this newborn stuff anymore because I know that my husband is right there in the trenches with me. He’s got my back and I’ve got his. Maybe there will be days where we’re so tired that we’re going to have to lean against each other to sleep while we’re down here in the trenches…but I tell you, I’d prefer to battle the trenches of infancy with my partner at my back rather than all alone, that’s for sure!

I can’t wait to see what the next few days bring us with this challenge. Our first weekend together focusing on us will be nice…even if Jax doesn’t let us sleep in and really enjoy it!

Are you doing the 30 Day Intimacy Challenge? How is it going so far? Want to join in? We’d love to have you! Just have some questions about the whole process? I’ll answer as honestly as I can…just email me!

30 Day Couples Intimacy Challenge

Before I start…I’m going to talk about SEX. No, not the nitty-gritty details…hello – my MOM reads this blog…but sex nonetheless. If you feel that you don’t want to read on, I’ll be sure and put a disclaimer at the start of each post…but if you want to talk, laugh and share with me then I encourage you to read on!

Everyone knows that having kids changes things. You can’t sleep. You can’t eat without someone hanging onto you, or at least crying in the background. You can’t do anything alone anymore, including using the bathroom. You long for just five minutes. Five minutes to close your eyes…read a book (that isn’t about babies)…to make a phone call to a friend…to do just about anything that doesn’t involve babies, diapers, poo, milk, pumping, or crying...anything that remotely resembles the life that you had BEFORE you had kids. Just five blessed minutes, please.

It’s physically, mentally and emotionally challenging to be a Mom. Seriously. You have to use more mental capabilities than people without kids…how else can you explain the complexities of the PTA system without saying that it was invented by MOTHERS?!?! And by the end of your day, if you still find yourself standing, all you can think of is how quickly you can get horizontal and how long you might get to sleep that night. The last thing on your brain is sex. Seriously. I mean, that’s what got you in “this mess” in the first place, right?

But let me assure you…this phenomenon does NOT happen to your husband. He continues to think about, dream about and eagerly desire you and your more intimate moments as a couple. I mean, he didn’t die, right? Therefore, he’s thinking about sex. When he last had it. When he could maybe get it again. And maybe he’s even wondering if taking the 4am feeding will get him any closer to that next time…I’m just saying…

If you’re lucky (like me) then you’re blessed with a husband who at least gets the concept of how draining it is to be a mom on a mental level. Yes, he’s still a man and his body responds/thinks differently…but on a realistic level he gets that you just might not be interested right now. And if he’s a keeper (also like mine) then he actually understands that it has nothing to do with you being interested or not interested in sex…or with him…it has to do with the fact that there are just limitations on new mothers that he doesn’t have to deal with. You don’t have the energy to think about sex, much less to actually perform the act. And although he might not be 100% okay with it all, he understands. And patiently waits.

If you’re not blessed with a husband like that, then you’ve probably got someone like my ex-husband…who waited impatiently for me to get out of what I like to call “Mom Mode” and back into “Wife Mode.” You might even receive an ultimatum or two along the way...but that’s probably the other end of the extreme.  Most guys probably fall somewhere in between those two categories - somewhere closer to understanding what you’re going through and further away from issuing commands. At least that's how they are for the first few months, since they’ve been warned by all of their other “dad” friends to not expect to see you naked more than a handful of times in that first year!

But to be perfectly honest, that’s not what I want. I don’t want to be too tired to be a wife. I enjoy the physical side of my relationship with my husband and have actively missed it during these first few months of our son’s life. Yes, there have been nights (sometimes two nights in a row!) where I possessed an abundance of energy and managed to channel that energy in a way that pleased both of us - I won’t lie. And it’s probably happened more often than average, if I had to guess, although I’ll admit to doing NO research on the subject before making that statement. But that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t like more.

When I had my daughter way back when, this was the hardest transition/lesson for me to learn – how to take off my “Mommy” hat and just be me again. To learn that I had worth without my child. To realize that I could function without her attached to my hip 24/7. To remember that I had a name (that wasn’t “Mom”) and to embrace that side of me.  I don’t want that to happen this time around. I love my husband too much to allow that to happen. I miss my husband too much to be okay with that. I will not accept a slow and gradual re-awakening of Sandy this time…

Enter the 30 Day Intimacy Challenge that Pamela over at Road to Joy issued to her friend and other readers. This came with what can only be called perfect timing for me. My newborn is about to turn three months old…things are improving around our house on a daily basis as far as schedules and chores where he’s concerned (although we’re still waking to eat twice a night!) and I’m rediscovering myself and my needs way ahead of the schedule this time around. I remember that I have hobbies. I have interests. There is more to me than Mom.

I miss my husband. I miss having those quiet moments spent with just the two of us, holding hands or cuddling and making plans for the future. Our future. I miss the intimacy of our relationship. As new parents, we’re more like ships passing in the nights of little to no sleep…and that’s ok. That’s what this time in our son’s life is supposed to be like. But I don’t want it to stay that way. I want more out of my marriage. And to get more, it’s going to take work…or at least some effort on our parts. It’s going to take commitment. Good marriages don’t just magically happen…you work at them and continue to try to make them better each day, not being complacent with where you are as a couple, right? That’s what I think anyway.

I don’t know about you, but I’m never more connected with someone than when I’m being wooed. (That’s still a word that people use, right?) I want romance. I want intimacy. I don’t want it to just be about a physical act, even if that physical act is where all the other stuff leads. I want the foreplay back - whether I have the time/energy or not. I need to make the time and find the energy…because it’s important to me. I want a good marriage. I want a strong connection with my partner. I want it all to mean more.

Don’t get me wrong - Brent and I have a great marriage. Sure, there are off times, but more often than not we’re laughing like crazy people and loving on each other. Day in a day out we try not to take the other for granted. We try to do the small things that show the other that they’re appreciated. We communicate. We don’t typically go to bed angry. We say “I love you” and “Thank you” and “I’m sorry” when needed. We also tell it like it is when one of us is being a jerk. We have a strong relationship. And we connect on a purely physical level as married people (and parents) can do. We try to provide a good example for our children, like we have been given and shown by our parents.

That doesn’t mean that it couldn’t be better. Being good doesn’t mean that there’s no room for improvement. There are always things that you can do to make things better. I truly believe that.

With that being said, I accepted the challenge that Pamela and some others threw down. I accept the 30 Day Intimacy Challenge. Well, not just me, but Brent and I accept. We discussed this last night, and we both really liked the concept and can see all of the benefits that could come out of a challenge of this sort. Here’s the plan, according to Pamela:

“The Deets: For the next 30 days, every single day, make time for and engage in some kind of physical intimacy with your sweetie. You may not jump under the sheets every day, but there’s a whole world of fun you can engage in. Hold hands, Eskimo kiss, gaze into each other’s eyes, etcetera. And you can’t keep this plan a secret. You have to ask your partner to participate and commit with you. You’re going to see more posts from me on this, sharing feedback from others that are participating, feedback on how this impacts their relationships. I’d appreciate your comments, or you could email me (pamelafhutchins@aim.com) and we could keep your input anonymous.”

Now, don’t get scared. I’m not going to share anything more specific than I’ve shared in this post. Like I said earlier, my MOM reads these posts…so there is censorship in place. Plus, I truly believe that’s for me and mine to have and hold dear to our hearts…not for me to broadcast on the www for any and all to read about. That’s sort of what makes it intimate…

But I will write about what we’re doing outside of the bedroom to accomplish this challenge. And you can bet that I’ll be sharing the positive effects that this is sure to have on our relationship. We started the challenge Sunday (Oct 17th) and just committing to it – both stating out loud that we’re going to make the effort to put our relationship back towards the front burner when we know that it won’t be exactly easy with an infant in the house – made each of us feel so good about our relationship and each other. I feel stronger, more capable and more connected than I have in the past few weeks.

I look forward to the upcoming weeks and hope that you enjoying reading about this challenge. I probably won’t update you daily…I don’t want to make you sick with all the lovey-dovey stuff…but I will post regularly about it so that you know I’m still hanging in there. And who knows, maybe this will lead to the original 30 Day Challenge?!?!

Want to know more about that? Read about it here. Or here.

Do you want to join me? I’d love to hear about it if you do!