Sleep has decided to hate me. He used to visit my house regularly…then I got pregnant. At first, he blessed me with sweet dreams and deep sleep. Then, when my belly grew to proportions that my body just didn’t want to handle anymore, sleep took a vacation. I understood, and even wished that I could go along with him. I knew that eventually he would come back, once the alien that had taken over my belly had vacated the premises.
Then I understood that sleep would stay on vacation for a little while longer once the alien was out and at home. I sympathized with him – who really wants to be around when there’s screaming and crying every few hours at night anyway. But sleep? He’s a tricky fellow…he showed up unexpectedly at my doorstep when the alien was just a few weeks old. He settled in and got comfortable. Sure, once or twice a week he would hit the town and party it up and not come back to my house until the wee hours of the morning, but who could blame him? He was working so hard the other nights…putting the alien into deep, restful slumbers that lasted for hours at a time…4 hours here…5 hours there. I couldn’t really blame him for taking a break one or two nights a week. We were still friends.
But apparently, I have unknowingly pissed him off. He left in a snit earlier this week, slamming doors and rattling the windows on his way out of my house. Not only did he leave, but he made an exit! Some people have the talent of making entrances…but sleep? He made one hell of an exit when he left. Since then, the alien apparently just doesn’t like to sleep. Not even the baby crack blanket can help. Oh, he takes naps…for like an hour or two. (Surely any time period of sleep that only lasts two hours is considered a nap, not actual sleep?) Then he wakes up. Screaming mad because his friend left.
Sleep, I wish I knew what we did to make you leave. I would apologize and say that I’m sorry. I would beg your forgiveness. I would probably even grovel at your feet. I would definitely give you the best room in the house, stock the fridge with your favorite drinks and the pantry with your beloved snacks, warm up your socks in the oven to keep your toes nice and toasty…whatever it took to make you the most comfortable at my house. That way you’d want to stay for a nice, long time. Forget those others that might need your services…my place is WAY better! I’m sorry to say it, but other parents can fend for themselves…if I have to beg, borrow and steal to get you back you can be sure that once I have you, you’re mine and I’m hanging on for dear life.
I thought you liked me – maybe even loved me. Do I need to shower more often? I can do that. Do I need to increase your payment? Take everything that I’ve got. Just please, please, please come back.
*Cue “Baby Come Back” music to play in the background…